“If tomorrows not the due date, todays not the do date” – ancient millennial proverb
For my entire 27 & 3/4 years (that’s 332 months in new mum speak) I have been a procrastinator….and a damn good one at that. Whether it be to unload my dishwasher, hand in an assignment, leave for work on time or get ready for night out, I always put it off until the absolute last second, and then regret it. And while I joke around and make light of it, it has lead me into a place of anxiety, laziness and really just a horrible circular train track with only 4 stations:
Station 1: I have so much time to do this, let’s sit on my bed in a towel and maybe flick through Tinder for a bit *Swipes no on every profile with a gym selfie*
Station 2 : I’ll just watch a little bit of Netflix/Stan before I complete the task I said I would, after all I still have many hours to do it.
Station 3: Fuck i’ve only got 15 minutes left but at least i can confirm that Sasha Velour won season 9 of RuPauls Drag Race. Thank god honestly, was worried they’d changed the ending from the last 67 times I’ve watched it
Station 4: I’m an anxious stress ball of self hate and I’m comfort eating to deal with my failures. *insert mental image of me crying into a bowl of noodles while texting a bullshit reason why I can’t go out/finish assignment/be on time*
And there’s no getting off the train. You just go back to station 1 and repeat. WITH. EVERY. SINGLE. TASK
Some days I can only function just enough to lay on my couch and watch repeats of the same show/movie. My brain is beyond accepting new things that I can’t even watch something new.
Last week I was sitting in a training course (that I had to do for work, and my boss/bffl is also doing it so I felt ok about it) and this week it was all about wishy washy feelings and watching TED Talks from ‘inspirational’ business men and finding out your reason for living but tbh i was dying. I was bored. I was so bored I started to daydream about what I could get for lunch. I was so bored I made a chatterbox out of a tiny post it note. I was just about ready to take a nap with my eyes open when our teacher/leader/TEDTalk obsessed instructor said the one thing that enlightened me:
“You don’t really want to do the things you say you want to do; if you did, you’d just do them”
And that was my catalyst to make a change.
You know I have always made New Years Resolutions but they have never stuck. I vowed to lose 10 kgs one year, instead I put on 20. Once I said I was going to complete a course in creative writing; i dropped out after one semester. But now I really understand what the root of the problem was, I simply didn’t want to do it. I was not invested, I was not in the right frame of mind, I didn’t care about the end result. That one sentence has blown my entire existence into question. I ALWAYS say ‘I’d love to (insert task here)’ but I never do it. Well fuck you procrastinating Amy, you’re cancelled.
So now here I am, doing the very first thing on my list of things I said i was going to do at one point in my life but never did, writing a blog. I hope that by sharing even the most mundane new things I am trying, I can help someone else get off the couch and go do what they say they want to do. It doesn’t have to be something huge, it just has to be something
“Just do it”My $100 sneakers